The word ‘boundaries’ was popularized in terms of self-care back in the 80’s. Maybe it’s my age, or the fact that I basically study and “preach” self-care, but the idea of setting boundaries as part of your self-care practice seems to have become a buzz word in the last few years. There are boundaries you can put in place for just about every aspect of your life. So, before I share some tips for setting boundaries in the holiday season, l want to first address why boundaries are important, how they can help, and most importantly, the top 6 signs that indicate you might need to set some boundaries in certain areas of your life.
WHY ARE BOUNDARIES IMPORTANT
Honors your values/beliefs
Prioritizes your needs
Decreases stressful situations
Improves relationships
BENEFITS OF SETTING BOUNDARIES
Avoid burnout
Boost self-confidence
Spotlight your health and wellbeing
Strong sense of self, beliefs and values
6 SIGNS YOU NEED BOUNDARIES
You experience guilt, stress or anxiety frequently
You’re a people pleaser
You’ve lost a sense of self or purpose
You’re indecisive
Your life feels hard and/or is drama-filled
You’re an oversharer
Now hear this, I believe there are definitely unhealthy boundaries. You should be setting boundaries to set yourself up for success in all aspects of your life – boundaries are not a hall pass to put yourself down, or be rude, disrespectful, controlling or otherwise dismissive of others’ boundaries.
Alrighty then, let’s get to the good stuff! How can you set appropriate boundaries this holiday season, so you can relax and soak in all the magic of the season?
Stick to a budget – Trust me I totally get that this one can be hard, especially, if like me, you just love gift giving and watching people open presents. The best way I’ve found to stick to a budget is to spread my budget out over the course of the year. When I’m out and about or something pops into my social media feed that screams someone’s name I buy it then, whether it’s March or July. That does require some restraint in not giving the gift to them right away so they know you were thinking about them, but I have a special place in my house where I store all the Christmas gifts. That way I put it in my special spot right away and honestly forget about it. Now speaking of forgetting, this can be detrimental to your budget too. My tip here is to create a Christmas gifts list in the notes section of your phone. Add all the people you intend to buy for and as you buy a gift you update your note, so you can keep track.
Avoid making decisions out of guilt – This is really a matter of listening to your intuition, you know what’s best for you. Don’t allow the expectations of others to alter your decisions, and when you’ve made a decision stick to it. This can be true of your attendance somewhere, partaking in food or drinks, or conforming to social norms.
Follow a schedule – I was listening to a podcast this morning and one of the biggest takeaways I got from it was to schedule your dream life. Meaning our lives are busy, so it’s important to schedule the things, experiences, and commitments that YOU want to happen. Then, you want to be careful about what you fill in around those “dream life” activities. During the holidays our calendars tend to get a little fuller with festive activities, parties and the like, be cognizant of overfilling your days.
Intentional family time – I don’t know how much more intentional you can get than to schedule time for family activities, however that’s only part of it. Once you’re in the midst of family time we can easily get distracted by cell phones, routines, and other life circumstances. Plus, you can be intentional with your family time in the regular day-to-day stuff too. Hug often. Say “I love you” daily. Don’t rush bedtime routines or talks with your kids. Give your undivided attention (aka putting the phone down) when a family member is engaging you in conversation. Give compliments. Be the one to engage others. Be encouraging. And do your best to set aside your workday drama and other irritations that could cause your attitude to sour.
Do more things that bring you joy – While this one is super personal as you’re the only one that knows what bring you joy, I’ve got a few suggestions. Listen to music, watch your favorite movie, look through old pictures, be silly or spontaneous, smile and laugh often, do something special for someone else…
Ultimately you get to decide your state of happiness, right? What if you also aim to surround yourself with others who are happy and fun to be around?
Quiet time – Some of us are more energized by quiet time than others, so if this makes you cringe move on to the next. Tee-hee! However, I think quiet time doesn’t necessarily mean alone time, it’s whatever you want it to be. Quiet time can be a combination of some of the things we’ve already talked about – like scheduling in time to decompress. Other ways you can ensure some “quiet time” is to incorporate things like prayer, meditation, journaling, breathing/relaxing sessions or yoga into your daily routine. It doesn’t have to lengthy – try 2-5 minutes.
Avoid/limit time with toxic people – If you know you have to coexist with a toxic person make sure that you set yourself up for success by going in with a plan. First, try to shift your mindset about that person. Not condoning their actions, you should aim to forgive them in your heart. I was taught to pray for my “enemies.” Don’t let them drain your energy or ruin your time – they don’t deserve that kind of control/effect over you. Stay out of additional drama they might try to create. And physically put distance between you and them when and where possible. If you can get out of the situation without engaging with them at all, that’s a HUGE bonus.
Have an exit plan – We’ve all been in situations that we wish we didn’t have to be in, and the holiday season is no exception, in fact there may be more of them [especially if there’s also a toxic person in attendance too] this time of year. Make sure your exit plan is solid. The most obvious is to avoid the event if at all possible. If you can’t or really feel it’s in your best interest to at least make an appearance, identify ahead of time why you need to have an early exit. Ultimately, you’re in control of your emotions and your thoughts. So, like limiting time with toxic people, focus on a positive mindset. Go into the situation thinking of a positive outcome. If you go into thinking negative thoughts, you’re likely to manifest just that, cause you’ll be on the lookout for those triggering moments and less likely to enjoy everything that is good.
While you may not use all eight of these boundaries this holiday season, lean into the ones that make the most sense for you and your given situation(s). The rest just keep in the back of your mind should the situation to use it ever arise. If you need support with other areas of your self-care,
please drop me a message - it would be an honor to help.
xoDanette